GTA 6: Rockstar Gives Criminal a Platform — Gets Arrested Itself
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GTA 6: Rockstar Gives Criminal a Platform — Gets Arrested Itself
As revealed in an interview with PC Gamer and content creator "HipHopGamer," GTA 6 includes a side mission involving rapper Freddie Gibbs. Because Rockstar Games is thereby giving a convicted criminal a platform—a concept that has since become punishable by law in the United States—the developer and publisher has now been arrested as well.
Originally, Rockstar had planned to release its open-world title Grand Theft Auto 6 in episodes, prompting every other video game scheduled for 2026 and 2027 to be canceled. But now GTA 6 isn't coming out at all—the entire Rockstar Games staff was arrested on the evening of April 10 following a police raid.
At a press conference, a spokesperson for the newly established Federal Bureau of Ethics (FBE) said Rockstar had given convicted criminal Freddie Gibbs a platform in GTA 6.
Specifically, the issue centers on a side mission in the action game in which Gibbs makes a virtual appearance. Under new ethics laws in the United States—which also led to the creation of the FBE—Rockstar has therefore made itself liable to prosecution.
Rockstar Offices Are Now Maximum-Security Prisons
Because Rockstar employs such a large number of people—roughly 2,000—the FBE, with support from police, has converted all of the company's offices into maximum-security prisons.
The FBE spokesperson said authorities were not prepared for arrests on this scale. As a result, a giant cage has been installed over Rockstar's headquarters in New York, while the Rockstar North grounds have been sealed off with a maximum-security fence.
Rockstar North got hit too: the site has been turned into a maximum-security prison.
According to the FBE, the security measures aren't just meant to detain people. A Senior Special Agent stated for the record: "After consulting with our Department of Metaphysical Threats, we believe criminal kami—spirits—have bonded with the buildings and negatively influenced Rockstar employees. That's why the Rockstar offices themselves have also been placed under arrest."
By now, every Rockstar employee has been issued striped prison uniforms. On top of that, heavy iron balls have been chained to their legs, and family members have been informed of the corrective measures.
Danny Trejo Was the Blueprint
Meanwhile, Mainstream Outside sent reporters to the Rockstar prison in New York. One employee of the incarcerated company, who asked to remain anonymous, told us:
"We should never have taken cues from Far Cry 6. That one had a side mission with Danny Trejo. Guy had a criminal record too—beat another guy with a baseball bat. And we figured, yeah, a gangster rapper would fit GTA perfectly. Then Smith, my coworker, goes: 'Gibbs. Let's get Gibbs.' Well. Here we are."
It remains to be seen whether Far Cry developer Ubisoft will also end up locked in a cage. In the crossover mission in question, "Dani & Danny vs. Everybody," the player runs errands for the digital likeness of the former San Quentin inmate.
US Economy Threatens to Collapse
Meanwhile, the FBE has also set its sights on other ethically questionable figures in US politics and business. Following the president's immediate arrest, executive floors at most banks and corporations began emptying out fast—including Amazon, Wells Fargo, and Purdue Pharma.
The stock market reacted at once. Amazon boss Jeff Bezos has reportedly fled to Venice and bought the city on the spot. According to information from our correspondent, Bezos has set up a floating living room under the Rialto Bridge. It is expected that the US economy will collapse unless job ads on the dark web soon lead to the refilling of top executive posts.
This article is satire. None of the statements, quotes, or events described actually happened. It’s all for laughs.
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