Today marks the end of a 25-year era: Microsoft has announced that it is pulling out of the console business effective immediately. At a press conference, gaming chief Asha Sharma also said the company will now make games exclusively for PlayStation.

That’s it: Microsoft’s console division is officially done for. At a hastily called press conference on April 2, the tech giant dropped the bombshell—and then doubled down with an even bigger one. Microsoft’s entire gaming workforce, we’re told, will move over to PlayStation to develop and market exclusive games for Sony’s console.

To drive the point home, Phil Spencer’s successor Asha Sharma hurled an Xbox Series X out of the conference room window. The brand-new console struck an unsuspecting passerby in the foot; the injured man was taken to a nearby hospital shortly afterward. When Sharma heard his scream, she reportedly went red and muttered, "Shit!"

Windows 12 is coming—but only for PlayStation 6

Once Mainstream Outside got wind that gaming events are apparently meant to be a big deal, we immediately dispatched 50 reporters to the scene. Reporter Number 23 managed to corner Ms. Sharma outside the ladies’ room and squeeze some world-exclusive information out of her.

According to Sharma, Microsoft is definitely working on Windows 12, currently operating under the codename "Snail." The operating system, however, is not meant for PCs, but exclusively for Sony’s PlayStation 6. Sharma had this to say:

"The idea of developing Windows 12 exclusively for PS6 came to our veteran developer William 'Dave' Plummer while he was navigating the PS5 home menu. He immediately sent a fax to the executives in our software division [Editor’s note: at Microsoft], and they absolutely loved the idea. I mean, have you ever coded with a controller? Of course you haven’t—but just imagine it with PlayStation predictive text on top. Coding will be much faster that way than with a keyboard."

Number 23 later continued the interview in Asha Sharma’s private quarters—he has not been heard from since.

The first exclusive game is already planned out

According to a former Xbox developer who wished to remain anonymous, Microsoft’s first exclusive game for Sony’s PS5 has already been fully mapped out. On his way to the men’s room, the designer pulled a concept sketch from his trouser pocket, which you can see below.

Our source, who is handling the game’s UX design, explained:

"We former Xbox developers feel completely at home in Sony’s PlayStation division and believe Sony’s consoles are a perfect match for Microsoft DNA. Above all, our first exclusive title for PS5 is meant to send players one clear message: 'Kids, Microsoft is here—and then some.' The title I’m talking about is Solitaire, and even the very first concept sketch points to something epic. With Solitaire, we want to take AAA game development to the next level, and God knows we’re going to pull it off."

The newly minted PlayStation employee did not give a release date, but Solitaire is expected to launch in Early Access first. Player feedback, we’re told, will mainly be used to improve card physics. Particular attention is being paid to Moon Mode, which reduces normal gravity by five sixths. A story-driven campaign charting the emotional rise of a single ace of spades will also be available from day one in Early Access.

"Last but not least, we want to use Early Access to respond to player requests regarding the look of the cards," the UX designer added. Possible options include cards featuring characters from "SpongeBob SquarePants" or, for slightly older players, imagery from the TV series "Lassie."

Rumor: Sony wants to rename "DLC"

Sony is said to be planning to release this extra content as DLC—though rumors suggest the company wants to rename the term on PlayStation. Insider Jason Henderson claims to have learned that DLC will be called "PSN" going forward. Leak specialist Tom Schreier further speculates that the abbreviation may have something to do with PlayStation.

Whether Sony will soon rename Microsoft as well remains to be seen. But now that the Redmond company’s gaming division is part of the PlayStation Network—sorry, PlayStation—a rebrand would hardly seem far-fetched.